On April 26, 2022, I awkwardly seat across from my ex-husband in the courthouse hallway as we waited for our divorce proceeding to begin. For the first time in our marriage it was just him and I. Now that's a statement! Emotionally I was unraveling, the night before I barely sleep and cried more tears in 24 hours than I did since we separated two in a half years prior. I really couldn't explain my emotions. He requested the divorce, I filed, open and shut case. We never fought over us ending. We both appeared ready to move on. But here I was fighting back tears which confused me. I didn't want the marriage anymore, but how do you find your identity when most of it was wrapped into being someone's wife. I was no longer a Mrs. and some parts of me felt like I failed. It was never my dream to be a single mother. Who am I now?
I thought I would crumble when the Judge announced our divorce was granted, but it was the complete opposite. I felt like a huge weight had been lifted off of me. I felt free. I felt free to make decisions for myself without having to consult someone else, I felt free in my home and more importantly I was now in the driver's seat. That weekend I booked a hotel at National Harbor in Oxon Hill, Maryland. I wanted to spend time with myself and learn more about me. What makes me happy? I remember walking by the mirror in the hotel and thinking, "girl you glowing" and snapped the below picture. I was on a journey of self-healing and refused to have a pity party. I was ready for my new chapter. No more tears were shed to mourn the death of my marriage. I was now focused on loving me and being the best mother to my children. I was no good to them, if I didn't fix me.
I stopped focusing on my ex and trying to control his actions. I gave him grace and understood he had a journey of his own to travel. I created a vision board and started to journal. "A dream without a plan is just a wish" became my motto. I created a one, three and five year plan for myself. I keep my children in engaged. Remember your children lives are also changing. I encouraged and promoted a relationship with their father, my love for them runs deeper than my dislike for him ever could. We didn't workout, but our children deserved to feel love from both parents. Trust me there have been moments where I had to talk myself off the edge, but remember we control our reactions. Being a single mom of three kids is not easy, there are no days off, but I promise you got this!
As the one year mark of my divorce approaches, I am proud of the woman I am becoming. Everyday I choose positivity and more importantly I choose me. I found my peace and passion in traveling and creating memories with my children. I am an advocate for my daughter, Taylor who was born with Spina Bifida. I am a RockStar Mom and I am conquering this thing called life everyday!
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